Today I met a lady I got to know from LinkedIn. Honestly just writing this down and thinking about this feels draining, a lot like when I went to AMP Summit the other day - I believe the word is plastic? It felt plastic, Like Barbie and Ken.
She came with her 1-year-old baby, all smiles and cheers. At first our conversations were smooth and exchanges were mutual. But as she shared further on how she was working through most of her life after poly and listed her achievements till date, I could not help but felt distant. Not much of wanting to hear my side of the story I felt. Then went into assumptions and advices on how I should upgrade my life. Honestly If I were to close my eyes then, I’d assume she was an aged lady in her 60s.
Being early in my quest to further learn from anybody and everybody, I spent a good 3 hours with her, and walked with her and her baby home. I felt myself drifting away as she chirped on about her nanny? A lot of her stories didn’t add up, but I was careful not to ask questions that may sound rude or off-putting.
She was nice to allow me to pray at her place though. That I was thankful for, as we were at Pasir Panjang, which I seldom frequent so I was not familiar with the area.
Towards the end, I recalled feeling uneasy. And although the relationship felt off, I shared with her about my services at work, which I feel was uncalled for. Walking home, I promised myself not to stoop that low in the future.
I felt that I lost that day. And since we are to be honest here, there was a heavy feeling of regret and disappointment.
I’m mostly disappointed in myself for being too obliging. I could arrange for a meet-up that’s convenient for us both, instead I allowed her to dictate the meeting arrangements. I could also politely ask what her intention for meeting me was, as till now I’m still lost as to what that is. And I could have detected the superficial vibe early and either reversed-dominate the conversation to allow for a more fruitful meet-up, or stopped the meeting early to not wasted any more of our times.
Regret, mostly because that half a day could be better spent elsewhere. But I’m thankful. Thankful I now get to place this icky feeling in its rightful place, to know that the next time I sense such a hunch; I should reassess to consider whether or not I should delve further into strengthening my bond with the person.
Ultimately, this serves as a strong lesson. It strengthens my belief that there is no other way to walk on this Earth other than striving for As-Siddiq - to be in constant genuinity and honesty. You can achieve great milestones or career ladder but if its all about you, what good do those achievements bring you?
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