Been having issues with my own negative thoughts on myself.
I was recalling in retrospect on the years Ive spent on this earth through negative lens. Counting what I failed to achieve instead of what Ive managed to attain through my days here on Earth. And till recently, to me it was what it was, I did lack in those areas.
And comparing. I see friends and people around me taking charge of their own lives and their own finances long before uni days and they had systems and skills to help them be able to be both independent and dependable. Unlike me.
Only recently do I realize to be more proactive in my decisions especially in terms of self-sustaining not only for myself but for people in need. I felt that a lot of time was wasted as opportunities did present itself yet I was not focused to care enough - especially not in terms of our communities' financial needs.
Was time really wasted though?
I was blessed to be retrenched while carrying my 2nd in my tummy so I had the chance to raise my kids up primarily on my own, which was something not many families get to do. Alhamdulillah.
Having said that, I could, in my own time, slowly learn ways to personally grow too, which, to be fair, I did read up a few topics to scale up in terms of self development and recovery. I did follow through with habit tracking and acquired more self-development skills I was struggling with before.
We do have 24 hours in a day. And its impossible to want to acquire it all when self-awareness in itself was still a work in progress.
Im not being rational to beat myself up this way, I see it now. And ultimately, Allah azza wa jalla is Al Hafeez Al Muqeet. He knows best.
I curate, and I plan and execute to the best of my ability based on whats provided today. And I leave it all to Him.
Allah wa Rasul 'alam.
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