Day #5 of Journaling Journey (Stage #1: Building Relationships, and Strengthening Patience)

What I find people need most right now from me is 1) Trust and 2) Genuine interactions. 

I’ll be honest, this title or new job that I recently obtained has its fair share of stigma. I get this feeling most believe I’m here to scam their money away. Hmm I don’t know I sure hope I’m wrong, but the walls built are thick and tall.

Anyways I’ve strategised to take a step back, and recalibrate on how to share about this valuable path that I believe is super basic, and severely essential, for every individual to partake in. 

Because of how valuable my service is, I’m only going to share it with those who would like to put in the effort to at least be open enough to listen.

So right now if trust is the problem, I’d be the friend; yes as a financial advisor but I’m allowing myself to understand the people I meet, their background, their current struggles and what their aspirations are. This makes it simpler for me to  assess if they are in fact in the right state of mind and place to be ready to find ways where they can grow and change.

My message is simple - it’s all mindset. It’s all awareness - Its whether the person knows how our current times have changed from our parents’, and how our kids will be facing tougher challenges than us, financially or otherwise. Because discipline, consistency and perseverance is lacking, yet most want to see change and see them quick. I’m going to now focus on those whose eyes are wide open to the changes, and embracing them with a readiness to learn ways to get better. These people may be rare, but these people are those worth helping.

So all these people I’ve been meeting, I’m planting seeds. They do know what I offer, and if they are ready they’d have asked for more.

And right now, I’m loving this stage I’m at. I get to be myself and be a friend and a listening ear. And I get to see this world through the lens of people from different lifestyle and different walks of life. It’s both humbling, and fulfilling to do so. I’m right where I want to be, alhamdulillah. 

Day #4 of Journaling Journey (Outside looking in; from a 3rd person perspective)

 Walked on the treadmill a little longer than 40 minutes today yeah!

Listened to DOAC on Money Saving Experts and it really was a saver. They made it simple to understand, and allowed me to look into ways to explain this better to any average person. 

Did some cleaning and work prep before going out for my appointment.

Today I met an Indonesian Lawyer, whom I felt was struggling to find her footing here in Singapore, but learnt a lot from her experiences working here for the past 20 over years.

She described herself as idealist and naive growing up, and I could totally relate. 

Shared how her journey in the law industry was not at all a gradual progression up, and that office politics, or success was deemed possible only if you succeed first in kissing arses to those required for arses to be kissed. She also shared how social networking in Singapore was not really to network, but a hunting ground - bonds would only be made if it was deemed to be beneficial to them. And without much thought, ties severed once one was no longer seen to be valuable to them.

It’s brutal, when we muslims would have been in a better place collaborating instead of bringing each other down like this.

Lately, Allah has opened up my eyes to these group of people too. The AMP summit for once and the recent Pasir Panjang lady gave the exact vibe she was describing. 

As she was recalling her journey up till date as she is now a graduate on Indonesian Law, I could not help but feel inspired by her. Life had been challenging for an idealist like her, as she realised Eutopia does not exist. Yet she still had hopes. She still fought on, she still believed. Still idealistic, and a lot bookish as she also shared the books she had been reading. Currently on 7 rules of power - she encouraged me to read it too.

I love her spirit. And I hope we remain friends and remain beneficial to each other till Jannah.

And I pray she gets a job that’s more deserving of her soon.

Day #1 of Journaling Journey (Not Everyday Is Like This and That’s OK)

Today started off with Sahur, after months of pushing myself to pay off my fasts.

So that’s one win.

Then a stumble; as I felt sorry for my sleepy deprived-of-movement body, I laid down to rest.

Feeling guilty, I started scrolling to engage in virtual conversations, all while my head was still rested on the pillow.

“I’m fasting, so I should rest more today,” comes the following whisper.

But my hands were scrolling and typing and gaping to start whatever conversation I could get.

Messy. There was no direction. Plus the net was super noisy with each individual’s own chaos, especially threads. Too many complaints. Most complaints were directed about how others should or should not conduct.

Shit. A bad start to the day. Now my head was filled with unnecessary noise, and it was pulling me down to sink even deeper into my rest.

What happened next, I’m gonna be forever grateful for.

A simple yet genuine post, encouraging us to stay discipline, especially when it’s the opposite of what we wanted to do. Nothing new, just a strong purposeful reminder. It sparked a bit of positivity back. 

I decided to make today a productive day.

Folded my quilt. Took time to find a comfortable attire, having in mind I would be spending the whole rest of the day grinding in the office. 

My head though - it was still noisy. I could sense it. On the way to work I played and internalized Surah Al-Mulk. Over, and over, and over again. I felt the world slowed down, that it was kinder. Allah’s words. In the most angry of Surah, His words are still surrounded by His Gentleness and His Care. Soft, loving, like velvety cushion.

I felt immense gratitude for the beauty and the vastness of the universe. This. How Allah creates layers and layers of universe onto each other, and we are to care for a tiny planet in all of His Glory called Earth. Subhanallah. Subhanallah. Subhanallah.

And at work I grinded myself.

I wrote down the agenda of the day. Made clean my calendar.

Another win.

More outside noise - but this time I could handle it, I could draw the line.

And after 4 hours at work, I wanted to call it quits.

Asked others what made them stay at work knowing their family is at home where they could spend time with. One shared, “I come home, then who will pay the bills to continue to shelter my family?” And for once, I understood better the struggle of a provider of the family. May Allah bless all providers of their families and may they always be in Allah’s care and sustenance. 

So I borrowed his energy, and I stayed on. Called 8 people, 3 answered. 1 rejected, 1 maybe, 1 allowed me to meet-up to share further. That’s a win. 

The rejection was a win too - I always enjoyed a conversation when the exchange was genuine and mutual. This taught me to stay honest for when I need to place my boundaries - stay humble and truthful. A simple no has yet to kill anyone, and you’d be surprised with the bond you get to create by staying honest.

Right now I’m feeling beaten up. But I’m making myself write today down.

That’s another win.

Alhamdulillah wa Shukr liRasulillah.

#Stayingconsciousisthekey

Al-Hadi

 Caught.

Drenched.

Mind racing with thoughts.

Words scrambling, eyes dazed.

Heart tightened with shame.

As the wheels turn, cars sped past.

As I was about to reach for autopilot,

Your hand grazed me.

And there it was, Your presence seemed to say

"Be still now love, tomorrow we fight another day." 

So there I stayed, consumed in Your warm embrace.

And as I uttered Your Name I knew, You've held onto mine light years before this day.